"Never in a Vest"

(The Sinatra hit that never was)

I feel better in a sweater.

I can stay afloat in a coat.

I know that I can hack it when I put on a jacket,

but I never look my best in a vest.

I can dig a trench coat--that’s a fact,

and I feel mighty macho in a mac.

My heart beats quicker when I slip into a slicker,

but I never look my best in a vest.

BRIDGE:

Outerwear suits me fine…

I wear it out at any time, in nearly any clime.

I can fit in any knit or any weave--

but I won’t play in any layer that doesn’t even have a sleeve.

Well, I look real good in a hoodie.

and I fare fairly decent in a fleece.

I feel like head honcho when I don a poncho,

but I never look my best in a vest.

I’m perfectly happy in a serape.

I’m no pushover in a pullover.

The tailor has a taker if she’ll make me a windbreaker,

but I never look my best in vest.

Baby, anything’s a snap in a wrap.

I’ll give it my all dressed in a shawl.

I’m not trying to brag--I’m glad in any old rag

but I never look my best--and let's make a clean breast:

I never look my best-- why, I'm hardly even dressed!

It may be neatly pressed, but I really must protest

because I never look my best in a vest.

(Old Blue Eyes would have used this alternate for the "old rag" line when playing the Borscht Belt:  “It hardly seems to ‘matta’--it could be any old shmata…”)